Dove’s eyes

I don’t wanna talk about you

like you’re not in the room

I wanna look right at you

I wanna sing right to you

…

Give me dove’s eyes

Give me undistracted devotion

For only you

Dove’s eyes – Misty Edwards

Doves. Pretty random. One of the last things I would be fascinated about. It’s almost like saying, lawn bowling. Yet I’ve spent around an hour searching verses, quotes, facts about them. Partly because of this new interest but also I guess to procrastinate typing up this post. To be honest, I don’t know where to start and I’ve been thinking to myself that I’ll collect my thoughts first before diving into this. But I know that’s not true, because for all the previous posts, I had barely a clue what I was going to write. This blog has become a place for me not to share, but to learn. Most of the time, I don’t receive the revelation and post it up here, but rather God reveals himself to me whilst writing it here.

This week, I was hit with a realisation about my whole entire walk with God. Its like finding out after all these years that you’re adopted, or that you’ve been living a lie. From as far as I can remember, I’ve always been a Christian. I grew up in Sunday school, church has always been a part of my life. I’ve always known Jesus and I know I’ve never turned away from Him completely. But picture this… picture yourself in a race track. You still have a long way to go to the finish line, but you’ve ran a substantial amount of distance. But instead of looking ahead, towards the finish line, your head is turned behind your shoulders. Your body is running towards the right direction, but your eyes are set on the starting line. You’re neck strained, turned to a direction opposite of your body. Both eyes looking at the distance passed instead of the kilometres ahead.

That’s how I’ve been living my Christian life. And that’s how many Christians have been running this race. Ever since I became a leader, my life has never been the same. I remember talking to someone about how leadership changes your life radically, how its difficult to even recall what life was like before. There were times when I thought of what it would be like to quit. I know many of the Gfresh leaders have at some point. I recall someone saying that if you haven’t then you must have it all easy, and now that’s a problem because its not meant to be a walk in the park. At times I ponder about how easy life would be if I was just another church-goer. But I see my girls, I see the kids we serve. And God reminds me of His call over my life, that it does not change according to my circumstance but it follows His direction. Yes, I’ve thought about it, but I know deep inside I would never go through with it. Not to be boastful (trust me, I like to point out my own faults so wait for it), but I’m not a quiter. I am too much of a melancholic to give up a task. I can strive and endure a season on my own without asking for help. My thoughts run crazy, but once I made a decision, I like to stick to it and see it to completion. And that’s how I also am with my walk with God. My emotions often rebel against Him, but the next morning I would continue following Him.

But this week, I realised that following Him isn’t enough. Reading isn’t enough. Going to church isn’t enough. Saying I’m a Christian isn’t enough. Trying not to sin isn’t enough. Leading isn’t enough. Serving isn’t enough. Running towards Him is NOT enough. Why? Because you can do all these things with your body, with your life, but your focus, your heart, your eyes the whole time could be elsewhere.

“The light of the body is the eye: therefore when thine eye is single,

thy whole body also is full of light” Luke 11:34 (KJV)

There are many reasons why we are running after God, why we are pursuing this kind of life. But many of those reasons that some of us have are not the intentions that God wants. I’ve read the Bible out of habit. I’ve been to church out of obligation. I’ve served in ministry out of character. I’ve prayed out of pure need. We always say that its the thought that counts. It is not the gift but the intention of the giver. So what does that say about you? What does that say about my whole entire walk with God?

Your body may be in church, but your focus is on the world. Your hands may be serving His kingdom, but your thoughts could be serving someone else. You could say that your life is the hands of God, but your heart could be in the hands of another. You may be running towards Him, but your eyes could be set on anything and everything but Him. My point is, that it is not just a matter of running. I don’t want to be a Christian by default.

“You have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes”

Song of Songs 4:9 (ESV)

…

“Your task is to single-mindedly serve Christ.

Do that and you’ll kill two birds with one stone:

pleasing God above you and proving your worth to the people around you”

Romans 14:17-18 (The Message)

A dove is known to have impeccable eyesight. But the thing with doves is that they can only focus on one thing and only one thing at a time. The heart of God, is so moved and so captivated by us. But I feel as if for a long time, I’ve sat in front of God, and talked with Him but the whole time my eyes never met His. It was set on whatever distraction came my way. If you were to have coffee with someone, you would expect them to look you in the eye, to face you. If you sat in front of someone who never looked at you, with their heads turned behind their shoulders, you would think that’s rude, right? So why do we live and run this race with our eyes not on Him? Our culture dictates to us that we need to do and think and feel and focus on so many things at once. We live in a world where multitasking is a desirable trait. You see women on the streets talking on the phone, while clutching a bag, holding a coffee cup in one hand and tending to four kids. But I believe, this is not what God is after in our walk and relationship with Him. He doesn’t want us to multitask our faith. And yes, I understand that we all have busy lives. We have school, jobs, family, ministry, friends and the list goes on. But what I mean is, that at the end of the day, at the very core, the very essence of who you are only comes down to one thing. I think many of us compartmentalise our lives. We go to church for God, we serve in ministry for the people, we work to provide for our family and our needs, we study to become successful. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But at the end of it all, if you were to condense your whole life into one purpose, what would it be?

And so my question is, not how long you have been a Christian? Or what you have done for the kingdom of God? But where are your eyes set? If I was to follow your gaze, who would I find at the end of it? God or an array of distractions, ambitions and ulterior motives? Faith without actions is dead, but actions without focus (on God) is just motion. So don’t tell me where you are on a Sunday, but ask yourself… Where are my eyes set? At the end of the day, the question isn’t ‘what’ (did you contribute to church?), ‘when’ (did you start as a Christian?), ‘how’ (much money you placed in the offering basket?) but… WHO? Who are you living for? Who are you looking at? Its not just a question of whether or not your in the race. As we all know anyone can run. But the real question is, are your eyes “fixed on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith” – Hebrews 12:2