The Pursuit for His Standards Part 2 : “The Crown”

Wow. I keep putting this off. I’ve had this in my heart before I even posted part 1. Its partly because it has so much weight to it personally. And to be honest, I struggle because each time I post, I am exposing a part of myself. I become accountable to every word I type. But I also felt that God had something more to add. And tonight at the leader’s prayer, hearing people’s revelations was a confirmation of what God has spoken into me.

Sorry if I disappoint expectations. But here it goes ..

” Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever”

1 Corinthians 9:25

Part 1 speaks of what the standard is; pure, worthy and costly. And that everytime we come into communion we are making a declaration to live by those very standards. But I am one of the first to struggle with that. Why is it so hard to live by what those emblem represent? I know God’s standards, but why can’t I seem to take them onboard?

My questions did not return futile, God answered them. His response was “because you’re still wearing your crown…”

What could that possibly mean? You see, one of the definition for crown is, “an ornament, emblem or badge shaped crown”. Yes! who would have guessed .. Crown means emblem and emblem means standard. I was still wearing MY emblem, MY standards. God was not mistaken. Even after SOS my own standards still managed to creep into my life.

When the words ‘king’ or ‘queen’ is mentioned, I automatically expect to see a royal member wearing a crown. Royalty and crowns go hand in hand. Therefore, everywhere I go, I wear my standards. But this crown was one that does not last. My standards waver and change. What I deemed to be important today, may be useless to me tomorrow. Whether you like it or not, your flesh isn’t exactly the biggest fan of holiness.

“We fall down and we lay our crowns at the feet of Jesus … “

We fall down – Chris Tomlin

It is when we trip and fall down during the race that we question how could we have failed when we lived by ‘good standards’. It is then we see that our crowns, our standards, something we hold high on our heads belongs at the feet of Jesus. We have to place something we wear on the highest part of our body at the lowest part of Jesus .. His feet. It is because the standards that we once thought were satisfactory and pleasing when matched to Jesus actually fall terribly short. Our standards and crowns only measure up to His feet.

As a mature Christian, cursing and profanity was out of the question for me. I wouldn’t even dare to swear. Pretty good right? By MY standards yes, but not by His. Rules say do not curse, but God said speak life and not death. Your words don’t have to start with the infamous ‘f’ or ’s’ for it to fall short of His emblem.

I can honestly say that I completely obeyed my parents when it came to dating. My 18th birthday did not only come with presents but also with the liberty to date under their supervision. Six months on and I haven’t used the privilege and I have no intention to do so for the meantime. Impressive right? By human eyes, yes but not by His. Pastor Judah Smith said this, “Dating doesn’t start when you go out on a friday night with Billy, Bob or Susie. Dating begins in the heart“. Before SOS I was proud of the fact that I met a standard that many people around me did not have. But how wrong was I. I pleased my parent’s wishes, but I had to seriously question if the contents of my heart was pleasing God.

Christians have become associated with one controversial trait .. Virginity. It has become the defining difference between you and the unsaved person sitting beside you on the train. But God’s standards far exceed virginity. He did not say “Be a virgin for I am a virgin”. He asked for complete purity and holiness. I believe virginity is just a side effect of a pure life. Your body might be clean of all sexual activity, but your heart might be contaminated by all the lust in the world.

Some of you have told me that Part 1 changed the way you view Communion. That’s awesome. But God’s standards should not only transform your 5 minutes every Sunday. His emblem should permeate your Mondays, Saturdays and every days in between. His crown should be the item of your life’s pursuit. Why? Because His crown is one that lasts forever. Your standards may alter, but His standards will stand the test of time. This race is about running after HIS crown.

But we all know kings and queens don’t live on forever. Their reign will cease and the crown shall be passed on. You and I will pass on our crowns to the next generation. Mr. Don Barrera shared with us what the meaning of “running faster than the light” means from the song ‘Run to you’ by Maiden Barrera and Murray Solomon. To run faster than the light is not just travelling a distance at a ridiculously rapid speed, but anything that can run faster than the light does not only travel distance but can travel through time. Running faster than the light means to not only run with those at your age, but to run with the vision of generations past and to impact the lives of generations future.

It may sound absurd to be saying this at my age, but I know that later on in life I and so many others will usher into this world the next generation. And for me, I want daughters that will commit to a life of purity and sons that protect and encourage those vows. What crown will you be passing on? Your crown or His?

No one runs a race with a crown on their heads. So now, its time to strip yourself off your own crown, your own irresolute and defective standards in pursuit of His crown, His standard that “will last forever” …

The Pursuit for His Standards Part 1 : “The Emblem”

At last, a short post. No essay or thesis in this one.. But it does say part 1. Which means there’s a part 2. Maybe even a part 3, 4, 5, 6. Nah, just kidding. Enough with the sidetrack, onto the post…

I’ve sinned, I sin and from my nature I can gather that I am bound to sin again. But I love God. I’ve been going to church since I was little. I’ve never been an atheist nor professed a hatred for God. In fact, the very opposite. We’re not perfect, but I’m sure the same can be said about you. Worship lyrics on your facebook status. Bible verse on your msn nickname. And for the Gfreshers, I’m pretty sure that if I opened your Bible, there tucked between the pages is a piece of paper stating your Declaration of love for God.

To be honest, those thoughts made me feel assured and comfortable in my walk. That at the end of the day, I still loved God. But during my devotions on the 21st of October, I was struck with reality, with a confronting truth.

“But you ask, ‘How have we ever despised your name?’.

You have despised my name by offering defiled sacrifices on my altar”

Malachi 1: 6-7

The word ‘despise’ also means to hate; loathe; condemn

I could say those three little words to God over and over again but if I offer something defiled and unworthy to Him, then I am essentially doing the opposite of what I say. The opposite of love.

Often in church, the bread and wine which symbolises Jesus’ sacrifice is referred to as the ‘emblem’. Every sunday, we are given the emblem. And many instances in the past, I have treated it as an antidote for my problems or just a mere representation of what was done for me two thousand years ago. However, I was intrigued by the word ‘emblem’, so I looked up its meaning. And surprisingly enough, another word for emblem is ’standard’.

The bread and wine is a symbol of a Jesus’ pure, worthy and costly sacrifice. So every sunday we are given a pure, worthy and costly standard. The purpose of a standard is not to be displayed and just admired but to be met, to be followed. That really struck my core, that every sunday I am not only called to eat the bread and drink the wine, but every time I partake of the emblem I am agreeing to His standards. For each cup that you share and bread that you partake, you are declaring that you will live by His standards.

There were countless times when I would enter worship but deep inside I know the reality of it all. Behind the scenes, I knew that I was nowhere near living by His pure standards and instead I was offering defiled sacrifices. So now, how could I proudly profess I love God, if my actions and strive for His standards say otherwise? To love Him, is to live by His standards, His emblem.

So what IS the standard? “Be holy for I am holy”. Nothing more, nothing less. Jesus died so that we may live. And because His sacrifice is a standard that is called to be met, then that means because He died holy, then the standard calls for us to live holy.

The emblem is one that is pure, costly and holy with one motive at heart, to love. The standard calls for the same.

Part 2, coming shortly.

Will you marry me?

This is probably my 5th attempt at writing this. I’ve started several versions of this and all end up deleted. I’ve had this brewing in my heart ever since the 4th of October (Sunday at SOS). I had this photo for awhile now but never found a use for it. Why was I having so much difficulty writing this? I had to make sure I was serious about it. Beyond eloquent words, I realised that written words need to be truthful words, felt-words, lived-words.

This is very personal to me, as well as difficult to explain so I’ll begin this post with a story…

Imagine this. One windy day, a girl receives an invitation in the mail. The envelope is adorned with beautiful crystals and accented with a lilac ribbon. The papers inside are wafer thin, crisp and scented. Beside the mailbox, she opens the envelope. As she unravels the invitation, something distracts her, catches her attention. Without her noticing, the first page drops to the ground and is carried away by the wind. She tries to capture it with her bare hands, but the wind is much too fast. She glances at the pieces of paper left in her possession. “Hmmm…” she thinks to herself who’s wedding could this be. All that’s left are pages that says when and where. However, she recognises the place written on the invitation. It’s her home town. Therefore, she concludes that it must be a wedding of a distant cousin or some sort of relative. She heads back inside her house and plasters the paper on her fridge with an old magnent.

Her life goes by as usual. From time to time, she notices the invitation on her fridge door. Contemplating whether she should go or not. She hasn’t been back home for years. This isn’t the first time that home has beckoned her. But time and time again, she’s refused. “Maybe it’s time to go back”, she thinks to herself. After much deliberation, she decides that she’ll attend the wedding.

The day arrives. She dresses in her best attire and hits the road. After several hours of driving, she arrives at the church. She opens the door of her car and steps out. Looks around. Then reads the invitation carefully. She walks towards the church. Odd. There’s no one around. She looks at the invitation intently, but there’s no mistaking. This is the place and she even arrived early for the ceremony. Confused, she turns around to walk back to her car.. But she hears a sound. The door of the church creaks open.. “Maybe they’re all inside!”. She steps into the church..

No family. No friends. No bridal party. No bride! She’s starting to think this was all a joke. But from the far end of the church, a man emerges. She can’t seem to recognise His face from the distance. A song plays.. But before she could understand what was happening, the girl finds herself walking down the aisle. Bewildered, she stares at the ground. And to her suprise, there scattered, were wedding invitations. All addressed to her. Just like the one she received. She was astounded at the amount. There’s so many that she’s treading on the envelopes. But she notices that each invitation has “RETURN TO SENDER” written on it. But she has no recollection of ever receiving them.

As she reaches the end of the aisle, she lifts up her head…

She bursts into tears. Speechless. Motionless.

She looks at Him, as if they’ve met before. She looks back at the multitude of wedding invitations, and remembers receiving one many years ago. But since then, she’s never remembered it. “Yes, there’s an invitation for every single day. I’ve been sending them to you ever since.”, the man answers as if He heard the question in her mind.

Tears keep flowing. Humbled by the presence in front of her, the girl falls to her knees and sobs regretfully. The man walks towards her and hands her a piece of paper. The first part to the invitation that the girl failed to see. There written in bold, her name next to His..

“Your my bride..”

…

On the third of October, two-thousand and nine, I got married. So did many other girls. There was no flowers or extravagant decorations. On my wedding day, I wore jeans and a maroon hoodie. Make up was substituted with blue, yellow, red or green face-paint.

You see, I encountered God on that day like never before. After that day, I no longer loved God. I was IN-love with Him. I finally accepted the fact that He loves me, flaws and all. He adores me at my best and especially at my worst.

Have you seen those ‘True Love Waits’ rings? They’re usually worn in the context of a girl/guy saving themselves for that one true love. That man/woman destined for them (cheesy, I know!). Girls, let’s be honest. We usually view the verse “Love is patient” in the sense of waiting for ‘mr.right’, right? But I think what God was referring to was Himself. THE true love. I write this blog not in the context of dating or not dating, but in the spirit of what ‘True Love Waits’ really mean.

I was that girl in the story. Little did I know, that for many years God has been sending me invitations after invitations. He has been preparing weddings after weddings. But did I turn up? No. Every morning, He dresses in His finest suit. Makes His way to the meeting place, nice and early. He arranges everything, making sure all is in order. When He has assured that all it set, He stands at the end of the aisle and waits. And waits, and waits. Unlike other ‘grooms’ (relationship, money, lust, own desires) that may profess ‘true love’ to you but run the other direction when the going gets tough, this groom stands there. Time goes by, still no sign of His bride. But He never leaves, in anticipation that maybe, just maybe, she might walk through that door.

But at the end of the day, there’s still no sign of her. Does He give up? No. He grabs pieces of paper and writes with His very own hands, another invitation. He does this day in and day out. If I was to physically see the invitations addressed to me but where returned to Him, I’d own the Reflex Paper company or Hallmark.

I wondered why God uses weddings and brides as an illustration of His love and not dating or courtship. It’s because He wants all of me, ALL of you. Not just how good you look on a date or how well mannered you are during a season of courting and pursuit. I’m assuming that when you date someone, you don’t see them twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. You often see them when their at their best. Weddings are the beginning of marriages. When your married, you no longer just see the good, but you have access to what they look like in the morning or how they snore at night. God wants you in your fullness as well as your brokenness. He accepts you in your best condition and also in your lowest moments.

Also, unlike courtship in which typically the guy does all the pursuing, weddings are the act of both parties. I myself make a commitment. A vow. On the fourth of October, I felt that I needed to not only stand on the receiving end of God’s love, but as a bride, I too myself must make a commitment. I’ve stood for too long, just accepting what comes my way. Bec Tobar mentioned that there is a difference between fasting and skipping breakfast. Often people say their fasting breakfast but in reality, eating breakfast was never really an option for them. For some reason, this phrase caught my attention. It stirred up a passion in me, to really make a firm commitment to God. That I belong to Him. That when all is said and done, I will still choose Him.

There is a difference between choosing (A) when it is the only option available and still choosing A despite the fact that there is now a B, C and D.

I wanted to make that commitment known to God. I don’t want to just choose Him because He is the only feasible option in my life right now. I needed to make that vow that even when all the seemingly worthy options arise, at the end of the day, my choice remains the same.

So what does ‘True Love Waits’ really mean?.. Knowing that God prepares every single day. Dresses up in His suit and waits at the altar. I now know that everyday I have the opportunity to marry Him. To commit. To be set apart. To renew my vows daily.

Falling in love with Jesus

was the best thing I ever, ever done…

In His arms I feel protected

In His arms, never disconnected

In His arms I feel protected

There’s no place I’d rather be

Falling in love with Jesus – Jonathan Butler

Dedicated to the one that loved me first

A history too great for the books

How’s your walk with God?

Good!

How’s your family?

They’re doing great!

How’s your church?

We’re growing!

THE END.

For many people, that’s where the story ends. That’s how their life here on earth comes to a close. I use to have that “I’m doing fine, that’s all that matters” mentality. Everything is sunny and jolly! Smooth sailing.

That is so sad. If that’s all I achieved at the end of my time, then I wasted so much. All I did was bring the light that was in me and brought it to a bright place. A candle lit in the presence of light makes NO difference.

Many of us have cried for our own souls for such a long time. There’s got to be MORE. We’re like children that first enter a theme park. Amazed at the first ride we see. Satisfied at what’s in front of us, oblivious to the fact that there is so much more to it. I’d hate to live my life thinking I’ve done it all, when in fact I never tapped into the call that God had for me. For us.

Tonight, I was brought to this verse ..

” So take this seriously. The Lord has chosen you to build a Temple as His sanctuary. Be strong and do the work”

1 Chronicles 29:10

Look around you. Evil has become so rampant in our world. I see it everyday. Your day has just begun, your only on your way to work or school and yet, chances are you’ve seen something bad around you. You hear more cursing than loving. You see more promiscuity than purity. You feel more isolation than friendship. But despite all the madness in the world, it does not take away the fact that this generation belongs to God.

This IS His temple. This IS His generation. And it is our job to bring back to God what He rightfully owns.. His people.

The word ’seriously’ means to have genuine, earnest intent. We’re not called to stand amongst the crowd just because. Exist in this generation with an intention, with a purpose. When you take something seriously, you take it to heart. It’s time that we develop a heart for this generation. A heart for the lost. A heart for the broken.

My bible is an NLT version, but it so happened that one of the girls at Torch tonight didn’t have one. So I lent mine to her. Although I still wanted to read something. However, I found someone’s tattered Bible. I think more pages were coming off than those that were still intact. But I opened it. And funnily enough I found myself in 2 Chronicles 29:10-11. But this was The Message version. It was actually Alex Jacobi’s Bible. Now I know that it’s no accident that I gave my Bible to someone else, because this version of this verse really spoke to me.

“I have decided to make a covenant with the God of Israel and turn history around so that God will no longer be angry with us. Children, don’t drag your feet in this! God has chosen you to take your place before him to serve in conducting and leading worship—this is your life work; make sure you do it and do it well.”

We are meant to live for so much more. This call is not one that you receive from a friend. You can’t just decide to whether pick it up or reject the call. It is a covenant with God. A promise to claim back His generation. To turn history around. A vow to reunite His people with Him.

“Children, don’t drag your feet in this”.. Stop being weighed down! Have you ever seen a child throwing a tantrum, rebelling against his/her parents? They conjure up every weight in their body so as to make it difficult for their parent to move them along. That’s what we sometimes do to God. We take up every weight and distraction possible and make it difficult for Him to use us. It’s time to put a stop to all rebellion. Make a heart that God can easily mould. Create a life that is easy for God to use.

“This is your life work”.. This call is not a short term assignment. It’s not even a year long thesis. It will take up your entire lifetime. I will live to see His Kingdom come. I will live to see this generation call Him ‘Father’.

“Make sure you do it and do it well”.. God is not just after your attendance. Simply turning up never changed history. He requires excellence.

Think about it carefully. There is a call. The choice is yours. And NO its not easy. Far from it. To be honest, I haven’t figured it all out. But I think I know where to start … it starts with ME. It starts with YOU. You want God in this generation, have God in you. The measure we set on ourselves will be the same measurement of what we will achieve in our generation. If I want purity restored in this generation, I myself must first live by that standard before I expect to see it in anyone else. But we only make one part of the equation. First and foremost, all this is only possible with God.

How’s your generation?

When one discovers life’s purpose

I’m holding on to You
I’m never letting go
‘Cause You have saved my soul
And You have made me whole

You took my brokenness
And filled me with Your joy

All I long to do is worship
All I long to do is bring You praise
For nothing compares to you
My Saving Grace

Jesus Saviour
My life belongs to you forever
‘Cause you have set my heart on fire
And You have set me free

Saving Grace – Planetshakers

Bring back your childhood

Do you ever wish you were a kid again? Smelly and dirty after a day’s play. When your life consisted of only four things; eat, sleep, play and poo (wee). No care about the world. No due dates and assignments or work and relationships in your vocabulary. Your world was made up of just you and your mum and dad… I do. Lately I’ve been feeling burnt out and just plain tired. Not just physically. I felt like my heart was begging me to just stop. Pause.

When you were a kid, your needs were so basic and easily met. A lollipop would make your world go around. Your mum was enough to keep you company. Riding a bike made you so happy. McDonald’s collectable toys were your most prices possession. But we grow older… Simple-minds turn into an array of complexity. One need becomes an oversized bouquet of wants. Your parents could give you everything and anything, and still we find every reason to frown and be angry. You have a gadget for every purpose, a phone to keep in touch, ipod for music, game console for entertainment, a calculator for numbers. But yet, at the end of the day we can whine endlessly about things we ‘lack’. We can climb the highest mountain, dine in the most lavish restaurants, drive expensive cars. And still find a reason to be unsatisfied.

Fair enough, we didn’t have as much freedom when we were kids nor were we able to do things we do now. But there’s something I want that every kid has. I had it once but as time passed me by, I added unnecessary baggage. Crowded my world with things I don’t need. Its something so simple, yet so hard to obtain again… Simplicity

I want to be that child again, that thought about one thing, did one thing and wanted one thing.

Often, the things that crowd my world aren’t anything bad. I hear a good revelation and I jot it down. I read a good story or a verse and I make it a theme in my life. I gain an essay-long idea and I note it down. And by the end, I have an encyclopedia of “how-to’s” and “what not to”. I place it in my backpack, along with other things that pile up in my life. I keep an open eye for more material to add to it.

But there comes a time when all God wants is for me to just stop running frantically, sit down at His feet and just stare at Him. To be amazed! To be pleased at the sight of Him and require nothing else. To be like children again, exploring His depths.

fascinated: to hold an intense interest or attraction for; to hold motionless

To cease all my commotion and just stand still and be fascinated by God. To have an intense attraction for His heart, that my whole world stops at the sound of His voice. Sometimes what God wants of us is not the works of our hands but the adoration of our hearts. To simply want Him.

This reminded me of the story of Mary and Martha…

⁸ As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. ³⁹ Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”⁴¹ But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! ⁴² There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”

So, are you a ‘Martha’ or a ‘Mary’?

Sometimes we can get so caught up in the details of life that we lose sight of the ‘big picture’. Bring it back to the basics… Sit at His feet. Be amazed. Adore Him.

Love vs. ‘In’ Love

“But one question still remains

How long will I be waiting

To see you here again

I love you and I still believe

That you will love me too

I love you, if you return to me

I will return to you…

…I’ve had a ring made for your finger…”

Return to me – Jason Upton

I’ve loved people, no doubt about that. But have I ever been truly IN LOVE ? Not yet.

I’ve always thought that there is a difference between ‘loving’ and being ‘in love’. But I don’t know exactly what. It’s normal to see a woman who truly loves a friend or a sister or her father. You see it in her actions. But I think there is a huge difference between that and a woman in love. When a woman is ‘in love’, you see it in her eyes. There is an intimacy, a closeness like no other.

I love books. I love to read. I’ve always been a ‘bookworm’. I have quiet a few books from Koorong and I loved reading each one of them. But I have never been to Koorong. Actually, I’ve never seen it nor entered in. You can love the beach but never dive into the water.

So that tells me… that you can love something but never enter in. Never really see for yourself what’s inside. You can love God, but never dive into the depths of His heart. I can look back and still be blown away by memories of special times of when God revealed His love to me. But maybe… all this time, all I’ve really experienced is ‘loving’ God. I haven’t stepped into it. I’ve ‘rubbed shoulders’ with the King, so to speak. But I have never truly entered His courts of divine and intimate love. Something tells me that this kind of love is not known to many. It’s a hidden place, not very many people have entered into it. An unsolved mystery. An unconquered terrain..

‘In’ means to be enclosed by something. And to enclose means “to surround on all sides”. A ring is used as a symbol of a commitment between a husband and a wife. It is circular with no gaps, no missing sides. By definition, a ring is “a circular, line, form or arrangement with a vacant circular centre”. Once placed on the finger, it completely encloses the finger of one’s beloved. It has a space in the middle. A ring’s very purpose is to enclose around something. It exists to be filled.

God’s heart exists not just to be looked at and admired like a ring on a display.

Its purpose is to enclose around you…

His love exists for you to enter into…

Set apart what is to be set apart

You worship extravagantly, you pray intensely, you read immensely.. But still no upgrade? You’ve done all you think you can. Listened to countless preachings. Surrendered yourself everyday, but still.. nothing! Or often we have an experience, a touch from God. But like magic, it fades. A passageway opens up to the heavens. Alas! we finally found it. But as days pass by, that pathway closes up. And before you know it, its as dark as it was before..

Why? Why am I not getting my full breakthrough? Why is my life half-filled, half-solved and half won?

At the beginning of my HSC, God gave me a verse. I held onto this verse. I stood on His promise. But not only that, I fought for my victory. I believed and left nothing to chance.

“Everywhere you go, you will be on land I have conquered…”

- Joshua 1:3

For every grueling hours of study, for every exam, that verse was my battle cry. God stood by His promise, He really did. I got the full victory and more. Every time I would pass Joshua, that verse would catch my eye and I would read it over and over again. Fast forward a year later, and I have never felt so defeated. Fair enough, I’m doing well but I know that deep inside there is a battle I am not winning. There is a victory I am not claiming. You see, almost every time God sent Joshua into battle, He won! He passed with flying colours. Its repeated over and over how not a single one of his enemies were left. God did not give him half victory and half defeat. Joshua conquered all. So if God gives full victory, he gives the whole thing, there must be something I’m failing to see here. There’s something I’m missing…

However, in one occasion, Joshua’s army was subdued and killed. Was it because they were unprepared? No. Was it because they were not equipped with the right weapons? No. Was it because his men were not trained adequately? No. Or was it because the enemy was too strong for them? No.

You want to know why? Why they were defeated? Because of one man. One man who stole some things. Want to know what he stole? … an imported robe, two hundred silver coins and a bar of gold. You know what my first reaction was.. What’s the big deal? An undefeated army was crushed and slaughtered over a robe, some coins and gold? I’m sure there was more where that came from. Isn’t that a little overboard?

But you see, it wasn’t in the items that he stole. That wasn’t the problem. He didn’t steal a sword or some kind of weapon to kill. Nor did he take the Ark of the Covenant. But the issue here is, his desire. He wanted those items so much. He coveted for them. He lusted for them. “…I wanted them so much that I took them…” (Joshua 7:21). Gold and silver are definitely not evil things, there are countless reference made about them in the Bible. The things Achan stole were not bad, nor evil. They were not illegal nor deadly. BUT, they were set apart for the Lord.

And that is the exact reason why I have not finished and won battles that are long overdue. Maybe that is why your breakthrough is incomplete, your healing is ineffective and your victory, half claimed. Simply because we did not set apart what is to be set apart. Just as Achan stole a robe and hid it with his belongings, you took what was meant to be for God and tucked it underneath everything else. And just as Achan took  silver coins and gold, items that are not inherently evil, you stole from God things that are good.. your time, your affection, your emotions, your effort, your heart, your life… And invested them in things that are not deserving of it.

Many of us lived or are living a life of mixture. A bit of God here and there, mixed with a little of our own agendas and a pinch of the world. To the extent that if the title “Christian” was stripped off you, it would be almost undistinguishable to tell if you are of the world or of God. Your life has become compartmentalised. What do I mean by that? It is when you say that your are of God, that He owns you. That He is the one that dwells in you. Yet within that house, there are little rooms that you have rented out to other owners such as lust, greed and impurity. Being a so called Christian is no longer a lifestyle but has decreased to a part-time job. Your ‘on-duty’ on Sundays, but as soon as Monday hits, your ‘off duty’. During the leader’s prayer tonight, God revealed to me something else. He said to me “Nikki, live a WHOLE life”. Because when you are whole, when you treat yourself as one house and not as an apartment block or a hotel.. you will only have ONE owner and one owner alone.

“They have stolen the things that I commanded to be set apart for me.

And they have not only stolen them; they have also lied about it and

hidden the things among their belongings…”

- Joshua 7:11

We are all guilty of depriving God of something He rightfully owns. However there’s more to the story. We have also lied and hidden them. We have taken our relationship with Him for granted, placed it with everything else in our lives. Camouflaged within our sins and short comings, when it should be placed on a pedestal high above everything else.  We say that we have set apart for God, yet we spend countless hours glued to our TV. Our efforts are set apart for God, yet even in the midst of our ‘tiredness’ we find time to do other things instead of praying at the feet of Jesus. We say that our emotions are set apart for God, but you know that deep inside where no one sees, your affections are placed elsewhere. Achan in his account told that he hid the things he stole in the ground beneath his tent. We’re seen at church or at prayer meetings. We profess that we love God. Yet when its time for God or someone to inspect our lives…Our time, our money, our emotions, our thoughts, our hearts and our lives are no where to be found. Because we have buried them ten feet underground. Its rotting in the things of this earth instead of being used for the glory and kingdom of God. A man cannot fight effectively if he has not taken the time to train himself. If he has not invested in purchasing the right weapons. If he has failed to eliminate fear and chosen to be affected by his emotions. If his thoughts are not of victory but loss. If his heart is not in the battle ahead. And if his life is not devoted to fight but to live cowardly on the sidelines. So how dare we question God why He is not meeting our needs and desires. We question why He isn’t pouring out on us. Let’s stop for a second and asks ourselves, are we pouring out ourselves onto Him?

You see, there are two kinds of ’set apart’. One is to set apart for God and the other is to set apart things that are for destruction. “I will not remain with you any longer unless you destroy the things among you that were set apart for destruction” (Joshua 7:12). This season for me is all about setting apart what is to be set apart for God. To be a woman who is so set apart and reserved for God and God alone. But there’s another side to it. Every wednesdays, we collect our rubbish from around the house to be put into that large green bin that will be collected the next day. Why do we do this? Because the garbage man doesn’t come into our house and decides what is rubbish and what isn’t. We need to set apart things that we do not want, things that will rot, things that are not needed, things that are destined for destruction, things that have little or no value. God is gracious enough to wait outside our houses, outside our hearts.He waits for you to begin to pick out the trash in your life. For you to set it apart, so that He can take it away from you. Often we refuse to do this and insist why can’t God just come in and dwell without us having to clean out our bins, dispose of our rubbish. And when we do this, we are asking a holy God to exist in our lives alongside our crap! (sorry for the bluntness). You wouldn’t ask a child prodigy, a genius, to sit in a kindergarten class. So why do we disrespect God by inviting Him into a house that isn’t worthy to host Him. We ask Him to sit down on a dirty and filthy couch. We invite Him to dine on our table of bitterness and rest in rooms of impurity.

On this three week journey leading up to SOS, I am on a mission to clean my ‘house’. Not just to patch up little holes in the wall, but to tear it down. I will begin to collect everything that is not holy and pleasing in the sight of my one and only guest and to completely dispose of it. I will scrub the floors clean and remove every trace of dirt and blemish. And I will endeavor to adorn my house with nothing less than the best furniture that I can find.

I know many of those who will read this is from Gfresh and are attending SOS. And so I invite you to start cleaning your heart now. To live lives that are separated and divorced from this world. Because we are called to be set apart for God. To live ‘whole’ lives that are set apart and reserved for one owner. Begin to prepare the way. Stop treating God as common and begin to clear out anything that is blemished, that is unholy. Because when that day comes, when He knocks on my door. I don’t want to panic and be ashamed of the state of my house, of my heart. But that I could present a clean and pure house. When He steps on that doorway, I will be able to invite Him in wholeheartedly and hand Him the keys..

“All that you would look upon my heart

all that you would gaze into my eyes

All that I would be a sacrifice, of greatest price

For you, for you

…My all for you”

My all for you – Kari Jobe

Ode to a father

“There’s two things I know for sure
She was sent here from heaven
And she’s daddy’s little girl
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes
And I thank God for all of the joy in my life
Oh but most of all

For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Stickin’ little white flowers all up in her hair
Walk beside the pony daddy it’s my first ride
I know the cake looks funny daddy but I sure tried

Oh with all that I’ve done wrong
I must have done something right
To deserve a hug every mornin’
And butterfly kisses at night…”

Ten facts about my Dad ..

1. He has a scheduled time of when he goes to the toilet in the morning. How do I know this? Because the toilet is next to my room (lol!) and the flush serves as my alarm at times.
2. According to him, he is an expert at analysing if a certain guy likes me (which happens very very rarely). But I think its called ‘paranoia’ or simply being an Asian father.
3. My dad is absolutely in-love with his BMW aka. ‘Bluey’. Which I named myself, hence my car is called ‘Whitey’
4. One time when we were having breakfast at a hotel, my dad accidently said “troFical juice’. And ever since then, he has a habit of replacing the sound ‘p’ for ‘f’, which has become our family novelty. IFod, sFeakers.. It cracks me up everytime.
5. My dad is the breakfast chef. He makes breakfast for my sister and I every weekday without fail. His menu consist of either pandesal, hotdog & egg, bacon & egg, lasagne (lol) or migoreng. And on lazy days, cereal with milk.
6. He is very passionate when it comes to sport, in particular basketball. Although it is common knowledge in our family, that my dad is not the most talented player, nevertheless his zealousness never falters. Every time he comes home from a game, it is inevitable for one of us to ask “Dad, did you win?”. The answer is very predictable that its no longer disappointing, but we ask anyway.
7. My mum and my dad have a nickname for each other, “Swety”. I hear you say “What the?”. Let me explain. You all know the drill, ‘honey’, ‘babe’, ‘darling’ and ’sweety’, well their obscure choice of pet name comes from the typical ’sweety’. But one day, my Dad heard a Visayan woman say the word (if your Filipino, you’ll understand what I mean) which I presume amused him deeply. And that is the story behind it.
8. He really wants an iphone. Why? Because of the functionality and popularity as well as the many different applications that are available.. Ha! Not even. My dad wouldn’t have a clue how to use an ipod let alone an iphone. The reason? He wants to look ‘cool’..
9. He is the ‘human dishwasher’ in our house. My dad washes the dishes day in and day out. Don’t worry dad, I’ll buy you a dishwasher one day. The question is, will you use it?
10. He may not remember this, but one thing he said that I will never forget was during my 18th surprise at Kiama on April 25. Just before our father and daughter dance, you said … “One of the reasons why I have faith, is because of you. I see it in you”. A sentence so simple. I know the purpose of it was to give me honour on my birthday, but there was really only three words that stood out to me… “I have faith…”

Dad, I could think of many more random facts about you, but at the end of the day it only really comes down to one. That your my Dad and I wouldn’t want it any other way…

Happy Father’s Day, Dad!

Outrageous Love?

A conversation between a father and his daughter..

Daughter: I’ve disrespected your presence and hurt your heart time and time again. Not only that, but I also trampled on other people. Yet you say that my heart is good..

I committed adultery in my heart, I disobeyed you. I stand unworthy to be called your servant, let alone your child. Yet you invite me to come with you..

You have examined my heart and know everything about me (Psalm 139:1)

Not only do you know the good things in my heart, you see the evil, the selfishness, the impurity. When I look at how I’ve been living my life and how I have unashamedly covered up the bad with ‘pretend’ holiness, I am revolted.. For every sin that I tried to justify, for every compromise I made, for every time that I threw my heart away without a care.. I blemished what was made in your image.

My heart is far from what you intended it to be.. Pure.

Father: It doesn’t matter, whether if its a thousand miles away or a lifetime apart.. I still love you the same. Nothing’s changed…

My eyes still see you as my beloved…

I saw you before you were born. Everyday of your life was recorded in my book. (Psalm 139:16)

I know that on this day you would fail me, I knew that yesterday you would disobey me. And I know that tomorrow, you may fail and hurt me. But I still choose to love you

Daughter: Why?

Father: The world may resort to divorce due to “irreconcilable differences”, but even if you cheat me of the love that is rightfully due to me.. I will never separate from you. I promise to never leave you nor forsake you. That no difference will ever be irreconcilable. No sin too big for my forgiveness…

So what I ask of you is that you would forgive yourself…

So that you can love others the way I love you. My expression of ‘forgiving love’ is not just a show but a demonstration, an example to follow.

This is what true love is. Loving in spite of imperfection. Being aware of the risks, but choosing to love anyway…

Love covers a multitude of sin.

Love is being aware of a person’s capacity to fail you, to disappoint you. But choosing to go ahead with it, because you know the potential that can be birthed in that person.

My love is not just a verse or a story found between pages, but a call. A call to love. To love my people even after the hurt and pain.

..

..

..

And at that moment, the daughter sobbed. She nodded, her past flashed before her eyes. This was not unorthodox. She often found herself thinking about past flaws and mistakes, but this time was different from the others. This time, for every mistake, every failure she discovered that there was a man who stood watching it all fall apart. At every crossroad, for every tear, He stood there waiting patiently for His cue to step in and take the fall. What was birthed into her by a quote two years ago, was not futile. She finally understood what it all meant. A question, answered. The meaning, unveiled. In that instant, she simply knew what it truly meant, beyond tangible words and definitions.

“It is time for you to develop a heart that is anchored and sustained

by an outrageous love that comes only from Him…”

- Mike Bickle

Daughter: But why did it take two long years?

Father: Because it is in those two years that I showed you how outrageous, limitless and crazy my love is. It is in the hurt and pain, in the failure and disappointments of those two years that I was able to demonstrate just how ‘beyond reason’ and forgiving my love is…

I outrageously love you.

…

Background: Two years ago, after SOS camp, I stumbled upon a quote from a book called “After God’s own heart” By Mike Bickle. Some of you may have heard me quote it, I’ve even written it in my Bible. I looked up certain words in the quote in order to give light to its meaning. I thought I knew what it meant.. until on the 30th of August 2009 at around 11:21 pm. Then and there I understood the ‘why’ behind it all…

…

I was a person who loved to think a whole lot. “Is this possible?”, “What’s the logic behind it?, “What is the reason?”… Outrageous was a word that did not belong in my vocabulary. Everything had to be justified and analysed. I cannot begin to reiterate how this post, fails to illustrate the revelation of what an outrageous love is. I get it, I really do. But I think this is one of those moments, were no words have been invented to define this kind of love. Simply because its outrageous.. A love so extravagant, so excessive and shameless. A love that looks beyond what is done and what will be done. Some would say that it is simply ignorant. Love is not blind. Because He sees.. He feels. The depths of your heart is no secret to Him.

When I had this encounter with God, I wanted to keep it for myself. It felt like receiving a love letter from a beloved. One that I wanted to keep away from the rest of the world. But I know just like me, there’s some of you who are still haunted to this day of past mistakes and regrets. By the world’s disconcerting standards I’ve lived a pretty ‘noble’ life. But I am not of this world nor am I subjected to its standards. I have fallen short.

Whether if your a beginner or a veteran, there will come a time when we question God’s love. Not because it wavers, but because we do.

This may sound a little weird but have you ever found a mole on your body  which you never noticed you had before? Admit it, you have right? Chances are its been there for a while or it has been present all along. Sometimes, even since birth. I found a mole or otherwise known as ‘beauty spot’ on my left ankle (lol don’t stare at my ankle next time you see me). Apparently its been there for quiet some time now, but I never realised. But does that take away the fact that its been there all along?

I can’t describe what an outrageous love is. I tried. But if I was to publish what I had attempted to write, I feel as if I wouldn’t do it justice. Its something thats felt, experienced and received. Not analysed, questioned nor translated. This inability to illustrate it, may prove to be good. Why? Because its up to you. When a friend excitedly tells you about this new restaurant and the how good the food is, the conversation will inevitably end with “You should try it yourself”.. See for yourself if there’s ‘moles’ in your life that has been present all along but you have failed to see (figuratively speaking, ofcourse. But if you wish to do so literally, then go ahead lol). See for yourself what kind of love God has for you this season. It may be a forgiving love, or a healing love or rather a tough love. The food you order may be different to what your recommender had, but it comes from the same place, cooked by the same master chef. Don’t be satisfied with ’second-hand’ revelations, or ‘witness accounts’ of His love. Buy your front row ticket to experience this phenomenon. Don’t settle for postcards, go to the very place itself. Pull up a chair and dine with Him…

“You’re my beloved, You’re my bride

To sing over you is my delight

… I see no stain on you, my child”

- My Beloved by CFNI